Living in mindful sobriety has its surprises. Today while doing yoga I was caught off guard by a sudden waterfall of tears. Not knowing from where they sprung, I just let them fall. After yoga I felt an onslaught of anger reminiscent of a temper tantrum. The kind of anger where I just wanted to break something. Anything! And thought I really need to see someone about hormone therapy thinking, "Could this rush of emotion simply be symptomatic of being perimenopausal? Part of it for sure. But all of it?
I found out later when my inner 5 year old erupted demand equivalent to a volcano erupting that the answer was no. The emotion pendulum is not all related to hormone imbalance. My inner child was calling to me. Asking, nè demanding! that I stop adulating so hard and spend some quality time with her adventuring in Morocco.
I had a difficult time listening to my inner 5 year old, certain that somehow I am supposed to transcend this corporal experience of Life. That to reach enlightenment I need to deny myself the simple pleasures of life, of play, of being childlike. But I realized I have this body for a purpose. I am meant to live in this body; really live in it. Not above it, or below it, or around it, but really in it! And not just live in it but enjoy it! Life is meant to be enjoyed. And this body and all that comes with it is meant to be loved.
So today, because my inner child and me aren't able to physically fly to Marrakesh, we are pretending to be in Marrakesh by enjoying the daily simple pleasures of coffee and food, reading and writing, albeit with a slightly different perspective and quality use of our collective imagination. And amazingly, I feel much better because of it. It really is true that recess (along with nap time) is the most important part of the day.